Yes I want sue Santa! Call me Scrooge if you wish but when I was 6 years old I got a sod of turf for Christmas. I never forgot that and have been traumatised by that man ever since.
Okay so I had not been particularly ‘good’ that year but I thought one or two well behaved days before Christmas and all would be forgotten. Obviously not! So here goes.
Dear Santa,
I act for myself (as no-one else will) in relation to an event that occurred several years in Westport, Co Mayo. You may recall an incidence some years ago where you climbed down my parents chimney, left a blue bike for my older brother, a doll and pram for my older sister and some sort of toy robot with flashing lights for my little brother (you forgot the batteries by the way!) but you will also recall leaving a sod of turf for me. You left a message for me too; “Laura, next year you need to be good”.
Firstly, I apologise for the delay in sending you this letter, but unfortunately I was so traumatised by the incident that I was unable to deal with it until now. I will be relying on this to defeat any defence you may rely on pursuant to the Statute of Limitations Act. I intend as part of my claim to seek compensation for psychological damages. Since receiving that sod of turf, I can now only make coal fires or use gas heaters. This has had a huge impact on my life.
I do not recall ever receiving your terms and conditions and despite years of research I cannot find a clear definition of “good”. As such it was very difficult for me to realise I had breached your terms and conditions. I will be seeking compensation for damages, loss and suffering in relation to this aspect of my claim.
Furthermore I contacted the Revenue and they have advised me that they do not have a record for any person by the name of Santa Claus or any variations thereof. Are you paying income tax on all the fees collected in Santas Grottos? While this will not form part of my claim I intend to bring this to the attention of the judge to undermine your credibility! I also intend to let the judge know that you continue to drink and drive, you employ elves that I believe have not reached the minimum age to work. You openly admit that they are working “night and day”– a clear breach of the legislation and finally you continue to use the roads and sky in clear disregard to other users.
If I do not hear from you within 14 days from the date hereof I will no alternative but to issue proceedings against you.
Finally, I attach my Christmas list for this year – it is 3 pages long.
Yours sincerely,
Laura Gillen.
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